NAD Adventist Single Adult Ministries: Forum
So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - Printable Version

+- NAD Adventist Single Adult Ministries: Forum (
+-- Forum: Topics Of Interest To The Single Adult (
+--- Forum: The Never Married Single Adult (
+--- Thread: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? (/thread-2904.html)

Pages: 1 2

So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 12-18-2008

So, Why Aren't You Married Yet?
8 singles share how they handle this and other nosy questions
December 10, 2008

Conversational U-Turn
I generally turn things around. I answer the "Why aren't you married yet?" questions with "I'm actively looking, but don't seem to be finding the sort of quality wife material I'm seeking. Do you know of any godly unmarried women who want a husband and children? Keep an eye out for me, and if you know or come across someone in that category, by all means, make our acquaintance." This almost invariably is met with silence … and the end of the press.

The Three-Year-Old Approach
Since I just left the ranks of 30-somethings, many of my friends and family are wondering if I'll ever walk down the aisle. Those well-meaning people, with their "You still have time" remarks and endless questioning, can be relentless. But I've found that humor, with a small side of sarcasm, seems to work for me. If we're going to be sarcastic, though, we have to be careful to not hurt or wound the other person.

For another approach, I think of my three-year-old nephew who, when his older sister attacks him, lies on the floor like a slug and plays dead. Or my niece, who waves her arms wildly in the air and yells at the top of her lungs, "I'm freaking out!"

An Ounce of Prevention
Since divorcing three years ago, I must say the Lord's been protecting me from pushy people. Shortly after my divorce, I sent out an e-mail to my whole address book, telling them about my divorce and my plans to spend time with my children, helping them heal. I also told them I'd send out occasional updates, but I really just needed their support and positive attitudes (and encouraging e-mails were welcome!). It was the best thing I could have done for myself and my healing, and it nipped it in the bud before anyone could begin to bother me.

You'll Be the First to Know
I get asked about my relationship status by extended family and friends from time to time. Once, at a family reunion, my aunt asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her when the time comes that I have a boyfriend, I'll make sure to bring him to family gatherings. That way, she'll know I have someone in my life. That response helped a great deal, and she hasn't asked again. Sometimes short answers are better than explanations.

The Bigger Picture
Anytime I get family members or church friends not-so-subtly inquiring about my chronic singleness, I give them the same line: "Sure, I'd love to get married and have a wife; I do not, however, want an ex-wife." That usually changes the topic.

A Matter of Choice
It seems pushy people bring out the worst in all of us. I think it has more to do with them than us. They're looking for a response that satisfies them, whether it's rehearsed or not. I guess it comes down to choices: You can engage the pushy inquiries (that probably won't be satisfied anyway), or you can choose to find inner contentment with where God has you right now. We're not required to answer every question we're asked. It's a choice.

Self Defense
I personally think that most people in our society have a hard time with people who are different from them. Some people get joy out of putting down the underdog. I put up boundaries with these intrusive people—tell them I don't want to hear about singleness anymore—and walk away when they start getting nosy. God doesn't expect us to undergo verbal assaults. He made us and is pleased with us the way we are, and we need to hold onto his assessment of us. We can be polite but firm with these people, telling them to mind their own business.

Lending Some Perspective
I've finally gotten to the point where I find it comical to watch people's expressions when they start talking to me about my husband and I tell them I don't have one. I'm 48, so people always assume I've been married. Recently, one person even asked very loudly if I was gay. My response is always the same: "I'm not married because I haven't met the right person at the right time. And I'd rather never be married than be married to the wrong person and be miserable." I don't get questions after that.

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 06-24-2011

Well you know, singleness is really empowering because as a single adult, I'm FREE! I can do what I want whenever I want. I can be what I want whenever I want, etc., so, I'm not single, I'm FREE!!!!!! :-) Love it!

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 10-10-2013

Yes, that is what it really can be....freedom. Well a single adult really does have responsibilities but certainly not to the level of one who is married.

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 11-19-2013

So, if you have never been married, why not? I hear this from time to time by other people asking me why I have never married. I guess they think I should be married but, my response is "Why should I be married?" Being married doesn't make a person whole, does it?

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - dgrimm70 - 11-19-2013


that article was very interesting with some good points


RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 12-10-2013

No marriage does not make a person whole. It would be better if a person was whole before they were married then they would have something to give to the marriage. Thoughts?

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - dgrimm70 - 12-10-2013


this maybe a little off subject

but i read a statement that a person is to run toward JESUS and if MEMBER OF the opposite
sex can keep up then you might be interested in each other


RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 12-10-2013

Interesting dgrimm70. I never thought of that.

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 03-24-2016

Still have people asking me day they will learn that that is hurtful but also that God wants some people to remain single so they can do His work. I know that I could never have done all that I have if I had been married. What about you?

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 04-24-2016

So, have you, if you are single, ever been asked this question. I know that I certainly have been. It used to be hurtful but, not anymore. Just over half of the adult population are now single so it's not so hard. So, have you been asked this question? How did you feel?

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 05-28-2016

Still get asked that question.....but, I'm still FREE! :-)

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 06-28-2016

Yes, I'm still free and still do get asked this question......Why have you never married? Must be something wrong with me...... :-)

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 09-18-2016

Yes, Darlene, there is something wrong with you...........if there wasn't you'd be married, right? :-)

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 11-25-2016

Well, some people think this but, I'm not sure that I do. God has been so good to me and I've really enjoyed my life as a single person. No, it's not so bad being single. :-)

RE: So, Why Aren't You Married Yet? - darlene - 12-22-2016

I mentioned this to a single adult the other day and they said they have been asked why they're not married before and didn't like it. So, we do need to be very careful about asking anyone this. I think we need to be more sensitive, shouldn't we?